Sounds Like Miranda

Pine

2010-04-04T21:03:00.000-07:00

Is it bad to sit and pine? i guess it depends what you're pining for. Me? Mozarella.

Just kidding. Anyway, i'm not really. I just keep falling asleep with computers on my lap which seems like a bad habit. I'm making an action plan; to take a shower, watch a movie, and read a book. and when people ask me difficult questions, i'll turn my head and speak about the book i'm reading.

3rd planet

2010-04-02T13:18:00.001-07:00

"your heart felt good"

yeah, listening to modest mouse-- what else is new.
i'm curling up with a copy of All Aunt Hagar's Children, and hmmm...

I just looked out the window and a ton of little old filipinos are gathered in front of my next door neighbor's house with signs, but singing "jesus, give us your peace, when you come into your kingdom" and reciting prayers about occasionally feeling like you hate yourself.

beautiful things

2010-03-29T08:39:00.000-07:00

there are so many beautiful things in the world we dont see most of the time
there are so many tall buildings in the ground, so many rivers caressing rocks in bed
so many cows running toward barns in the evening.

so many things we never get to see like shooting washing machines with shotguns,
like shooting plastic pumpkins full of holes, so many beautiful things like california
quail scurrying along the side of the road.
you're my dream: you are to be alone, to be far out and alone, to be at sea and alone, shipwrecked
or ship docked, alone.

I stand out on the patio leaning against the railing and feeling cold, feeling wind, thinking about
myself or the water or the few ships stuck like polka dots all around the bay.

i've seen too many men walk by with their shirts off, know who is who, have seen the tendency to stay and then go.

alone on the porch, while you're inside. i walk down to the garden, where the grasses have grown up wild weeds, and the mint is running over the poppies, and there are no more things to embarrass me.

in the crumbling stone, i feel alive, in the half-rubble, i'm born as independent, sipping my morning coffee, becoming full of ideas, thinking green and brown and not the bitter black.

can i throw my hands up to the sky and tell no one about my sexual exploits, make up things I wish were in the cards. Death has always shown up first on my doorstep. He brings the Wheel of Fortune, he brings the blasted Hierophant.

If I coud leave it all right now, and disappear into the sun, if i could take all the people i know and tuck them down in a cellar as if a storm is coming, i would ascend the ladder alone and live in the peace, and i would build a wall, so i would never look down from my star.

the people are all named the same thing, and some love me with devotion. some think how to get me back. the others move on, as if i were never real, because i never was. i won't wear a badface I will be alone and resting.

note to self

2010-03-28T19:02:00.001-07:00

where does paranoia come from and why does it like to hang out on my shoulder?

today.

2010-03-28T14:44:00.000-07:00

whatever love is, it starts with feet,
toes curled into cold sheets, hands folded awkwardly
over heads. whatever love is, feet mingle
and brush up over legs
and the arches of those feet are like bridges.

BOO YA

2010-03-24T00:39:00.001-07:00

KA SHAAAA.

i like...

2010-03-20T16:02:00.000-07:00

http://www.popcultureafternoon.blogspot.com/

blushingambition.blogspot.com

goals for the coming months

2010-03-20T15:33:00.000-07:00

don't think about things I can't control
don't facebook ex's, hoping I can keep tabs enough to avoid running into them.
take more pictures, but try not to make it awkward
self control and also release, again, naturally
think about things before I buy them
move out
eat a bug.

where I shall search more anthropology jobs

2010-03-18T21:27:00.001-07:00

http://www.getanthropologyjobs.com/job-seekers/job-search2.php?city=San%20Francisco&state=CA&ref=1

MY Job

2010-03-18T21:19:00.000-07:00

If it weren't for the fact that this is in Reno and that I also already have a job, i would go do this in a heartbeat:

Position Announcement

Anthropology Assistant
Reno, Nevada

SWCA, Inc. Environmental Consultants is a growing natural and
cultural resources consulting firm with offices throughout the West.
In 20 years we have expanded to over 300 employees in 12 cities. Our
Reno, Nevada office is now accepting applications for an Anthropology
Assistant. This entry-level position requires the ability to perform
a variety of assignments, including literature and archival research
and providing support for fieldwork and report write-up. Our Reno
office is a growing, dynamic work place with a commitment to
encouraging innovative thinking and individuality.

Job Description: Must be able to assist the Senior Cultural
Anthropologist with ethnographic, ethnohistoric, Native American
consultation, and similar projects.

Responsibilities:

Literature and archival research and ability to organize the data for
use in analysis and report production.
Assisting with fieldwork.
Assisting with report write-up.
Ability to complete work in a timely manner.

Minimum Qualifications:

Completion of substantial university/college course work in
Anthropology or related field, B.A or B.S. degree preferred.
Good organizational skills and the ability to meet scheduled
deadlines.
Good verbal, analytical and interpersonal skills; ability to work as
member of a team; and to communicate orally and in writing with
clients, agencies, and other employees.

SWCA is an employee-owned firm and an Equal Opportunity Employer. We
encourage minorities and women to apply.

Wages will be commensurate with education and experience. The
position is temporary but has the possibility of becoming a regular
part- or full- time position. The actual work schedule is flexible
between the hours of 8-5 Monday through Friday. Overtime wages are
paid for more than 40 hours worked in a week. For regular employees,
a generous benefit package includes health and dental insurance,
holidays, sick leave, vacation time, and a 401(k) plan.

This position will remain open until filled, but qualified candidates
will be considered as applications are received. For consideration,
please send a cover letter, your resume outlining education, previous
experience, and all relevant qualifications, and a minimum of three
references by standard mail, fax, or e-mail to the address below:

Ginny Bengston
Senior Cultural Anthropologist
SWCA, Inc. Environmental Consultants
5370 Kietzke Lane, Suite 205
Reno, Nevada 89511
Phone: 775.826.1700
Fax: 775.826.1713
Email: gbengston@...
Visit our website at www.swca.com

This is my dream.

2010-03-18T20:56:00.000-07:00

and by the way...

2010-03-17T22:50:00.000-07:00

Isabelle Marant, gotta love it.

nothing to do with st. paddy

2010-03-17T22:31:00.000-07:00

Today, I went to BiRite for a little ice cream, and the woman working there complemented my jeanine payer necklace! Pretty nice, huh?

These are from Fashionisto.com

Delights

2010-03-13T14:27:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've been more impressed with men's clothing than with women's. It might just be because I know a guy who could dress much better, and when I see menswear, i think of him in it. And also, women's fashion in San Francisco is so different from New York and Europe, which was when I started being more seriously interested in clothes. I've been trying to reconcile my taste for short skirts, expensive looks, stylishness, with the sort of rag-tag fell out of an ecclectic but marvelous closet look of San Francisco. I'm only just now getting the hang of it. I've also got to think of looking somewhat professional/ teacherish/ casual working at a non-profit, going into classrooms, meeting donors, and being smack-dab in the Mission.

Anyway, I think I'm finding my niche. Here are a few pieces that have made my mouth water today (note: it seems I'm totally digging shine. if that's not your thing, get outta here):

3.1. by Philip Lim

Isabel Marant

Ukan(?). cute back.

I've always had a thing for black with jewelry

And then, of course... I couldn't help myself. I love this combination of pink, red, and blue. i should hate it, but I just don't.

More Menz

2010-03-11T23:17:00.000-08:00

Men's fashion is fun to follow, I'm learning. I still know absolutely nothing, but it makes me want to take men I know and dress them up in pretty things... if only they'd sit still...

nicolas ripoll

U-NI-TY, Alexandre Cunha
and, I don't know about you guys, but I find the looks on the left to be kind of hot. this whole snow-trekker meets alps meets city thing is pretty nice...

now if only this guy had more masculine features.

dis ain't so bad either...

2010-03-10T00:35:00.000-08:00

kind of a cool campaign...

Ash Stymest photographed by Chad Pitman and styled by Way Perry for Wonderland #14

via Fashionisto

you know...

2010-03-08T22:16:00.000-08:00

Life ain't so bad at the moment. Sure, I torment myself with ifs and buts continually; it may still be better than the listless uncaring that occupies most months. my stomach feels eternally knotted. I'm nervous. It's hard to shrug off those kinds of sentiments with a teenage "whatever" but that's my aim.

I couldn't find any new sexiness to take my mind off things. I did, however, meet an extremely handsome, well-dressed man at the Academy of Friends gala, and if I were a gay man, I would try to have him all for myself. His glasses were clear... and fabulous. I can't go on for fear I'll never get him out of my head. I would want to be him if I were a man.

THIS is what I want to dress like. All the time.

2010-03-06T23:05:00.000-08:00

Thanks, Sartorialist.

Seriously, Vogue Italia... you rock.

2010-03-06T22:40:00.000-08:00

It's tough to be a lady in the city

2010-03-06T20:44:00.000-08:00

Yeesh. This article affirms what single ladies in San Francisco have been trying to prove for years. Dudes in the city are timid-- good looking, fun, etc. etc. and timid. And most of the good ones are actually taken or gay or straight but ambiguous. It's hard out there.

Check it: http://www.sfweekly.com/2010-03-03/news/girl-game/

memory?

2010-03-06T20:40:00.000-08:00

I can't decide if last night was a dream, if I made it all up. Was it indicative of what might come in the future, or was it merely a fluke, a drunken lapse of judgement?

in the words of the great 3eb: how's it gonna be?

San Francisco: greatest city or most "unamerican"?

2010-02-21T10:44:00.000-08:00

Last year, San Francisco was ranked number 3 on askmen.com's best cities to live in 2009 (best cities for men, that is). Reading the comments, i gathered that not everyone was happy with this ranking, and also that best cities for men meant straight men. I guess there was a tip off when I read ,"The city’s boy-to-girl ratio (male: 51%; female: 49%) doesn’t seem promising at first, but remember this is San Francisco, so you can shave a good 8% to 10% off the competition right there."

But anyway, people can say the strangest, most rant-y and unrelated things on the internet. Take this comment for example:

"san francisco is such a horrible city i wont even capitalize it! the people are gay and judgmental and falsely opinionated. The hills suck and everything is more expensive and NO ONE likes sports. san francisco is unamerican and i dont understand why anyone likes it. Chicago is the greatest city in the world and beats san fran on all levels! forget the bay"

Okay. We get it; Chicago rocks. In fact, Chicago DID beat San Francisco at this competition, and no one is contesting its number one ranking on your askmen.com poll. So, lowercase letters are horrible? the people are gay? I have yet to see that as a downside. Judgemental and falsely opinionated; did you just gay in a derrogatory fashion, and what exactly does falsely opinionated mean; opinions by nature are not false-- they are feelings.

I'm just gonna have to stop there, because that dude has given me a wealth of oppotunity to crush him (ala borat "if she cheat on me, i will crush her").

Anyway, I love San Francisco, and it's not just because I'm from here.

and THESE.

2010-02-20T02:21:00.000-08:00

I know I said I get jealous of men because of their beautiful shoes, but THESE are why I like being a lady. (jeffrey m.)

Madewell

2010-02-20T02:18:00.000-08:00

I love this new Madewell stuff. I also love that it's all asian girls on the site. go us. Also, I guess this means I have to like Alexa Chung now, even though she's a shitty tv host.

Jelly

2010-02-20T02:17:00.000-08:00

I sometimes get jealous of men because they get to wear things like this.

Hotness

2010-02-20T01:47:00.000-08:00

Right now, if you asked me which woman in the world would I most like to be, I would answer Alison Mosshart.

I mean, seriously. How rock and roll is this girl?

She and Jack White are like the Helen Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp of the music world, and when you stick them together and end up with the Dead Weather, what you truly have is more than an ideal pairing. You have the sexiest band alive.

The Dead Weather is a cocaine off the club restroom toilet seat, shove me against the wall and bang your teeth against mine kind of band. They hit hot and hard (and also really bizarre) in the best way.

The wonderous music video for I Cut Like A Buffalo features erratic movements and creepy, full-figured bellydancers with knives in auburn wigs. many of them hula hoop and at other times they all cooperate to carry a giant buffalo head like cartoon ants beneath a loaf of bread. Not only are the movements halted and paused, but the shots are as well, creating the feeling of watching an old-timey carnival picture show or a fantastic and artsy nightmare. Really, Jack White is extremely talented and equally stylish, the kind of guy I idealize about marrying; stylish, musically-inclined, and sort of fierce. Other men that fit this model (for the most part) are Pete Dougherty (minus the hardcore drugs and the ugly), Johnny Depp (minus the reclusiveness and the fact that he's an actor), and Conan O'Brien (except he's not fierce at all, but I think the comedy makes up for everything else).

And Allison Mosshart, words cannot describe how cool her style is. First of all, since around middle school, maybe even earlier, i've had a fetish for all things english. Most of the bands that I can listen to on a daily basis are english; these new puritans, razorlight, the smiths, etc. it's less of the voices, and just the style and swag. while i have yet to venture a visit to england, i get to imagine gritty street corners, and tons of fog.

Mosshart is badass. period. i know i'm being incoherent, but fuckit. why not? it's my blog after all.

Unhappy Hipsters?

2010-02-09T22:23:00.000-08:00

It occurred to her that in choosing the repurposed airplane ramp as a staircase, she hadn’t considered the child.

Oh, this first caption. QUITE hilarious.

Unhappy Hipsters. com

To be honest, the photographs on this website depict really beautiful homes, beautiful architecture. They make me drool and feel envious. At the same time, I think the captions are kind of funny, but I don't think they reflect any sort of truth other than the author's own sad view of life.

First, the people depicted here aren't hipsters at all and they probably aren't unhappy either; they're yuppies and people with good taste and lots of money. I mean, GOD, those Eames chairs, and that indoor/outdoor Eicher-feel make me feel so so happy and nostalgic. I grew up around modernity-- my father is a graphic designer-- and it's my standard. He's not rich, but he can appreciate the value of simple beauty and design, and so he buys noguchi furniture rather than heavy lace drapes or tiffany lamps. We once lived in an Eichler with floor to ceiling windows, an atrium, and wonderful wonderful radiant heating. I miss that house so much. Anyway, it's truly all in the eye of the beholder. Most people feel that modern architecture is uncomfortable and not "homey." To me though it's the epitome of home. And I'd be completely happy living that way-- I'm not trying to fool myself into happiness by purchasing over-priced and hip stuff, though maybe some people are. I genuinely have an aesthetic taste for it, as I assume a lot of people do; good taste doesn't make someone a hipster. Don't tell me it's lonely in the modern world because it isn't. have you ever heard of Rorschach? It's the ink blot test, mr. author. you just took it, and now, maybe you shouls find someone to love.

Second, I can't help myself, but I do have a problem with the construction of this dude's sentences. I mean, a great portion of them are, i guess predicate before subject would be the right way to put it. For instance:

So focused on erecting a structure that would be impervious to atmospheric whims, he’d forgotten the obvious: an exit.

Well aware of her ability to unnerve house guests, she’d become scarily self-possessed.

GAH. reading these one after another would have made my English teachers throw up all over themselves. GAH.

Am I being pretentious yet? You can stop reading. Check out the site if you're looking for some great modern style-porn. Some of the captions are funny and entertaining, others just take me to a dark place where people watch and make snide remarks while you live your life.

losing love

2010-02-09T00:03:00.000-08:00

I can't imagine losing zooey deschanel. I can't imagine having dated someone like that and then seeing them everywhere. plastered on billboards, on commercials, in films-- can you imagine loving indie romantic flicks and then suddenly being unable to watch them?

There's a guy that i've met who I know through work-- he dated zooey deschanel. people tell me this. When I think about how difficult it is after I stop dating someone, i can't imagine what it must have been like for him. Kim Kardashian and Reggie seemed to have that problem when they broke up that one time-- kim saw a photo of him at the adidas store and was all mopey the rest of the episode.

getting dressed in the morning

2010-02-08T23:36:00.000-08:00

short skirts might look really good and make you feel really swell and happy and you might be most comfortable while wearing a little skirt (I AM) but boy are they inappropriate for work. especially when you work with kids all day. you can't be showing that much leg. i'll admit, sometimes i do it anyway because i can't help myself. but in those scenarios, i try to make it as unappealing as possible-- wear a ratty sweater or some really thick tights.

a february miracle occurred today. i went to the mall with giftcards tucked gently into the folds of my wallet, and i bought nothing. there was nothing to buy. i was looking for dresses and modest skirts and there was nothing satisfactory. well, in fairness, i bought three small loaves of bread, but that cost a whopping 2.50 and hardly counts anyway. the only thing i saw that i liked at all was a pair of jeffrey campbell heels:

What do you think? I'll try them on next time... I wish they carried those at the Shoe Biz by my office since I can get a ten percent discount.

I also spotted these really sick earrings on the Metier blog while I was browsing Jeffrey Montiero:

They're by Annette Ferdinandsen, and they're rad. I especially like the ones that look like silver coral or antlers. Speaking of awesome jewelry and clothes, I checked out, for the second time, Bianca Starr, a new vintage boutique in the Mission on 20th between Valencia and Mission, across the way from Rodgers (where you should try a coffee with the mexican chocolate add, trust me). The store is really wonderful; not only does Bianca (who is super duper sweet) stock cute clothes in all sizes, but the prices are definitely affordable, which means a lot coming from someone who makes less than minimum wage and dreams of designer clothes. I picked up a sweet bronze colored dress with a rose pattern there for 25 dollars. Their jewelry is by Venus Superstar (who apparently also has a store on Divis). From what I hear (read: from what bianca told me when i walked in the store), Bianca Starr is having a party/sale this saturday. So, that seems like the perfect time to drop in. Enjoy.

Milan, a short trip

2010-02-07T01:52:00.000-08:00

I suddenly miss Milan. I'm thinking about that strange apartment we rented. I wandered there in the rain from the train station where the shuttle had dropped me after my flight. It was the middle of the night, the streets were pretty empty, pretty scary for a stranger somewhere I didn't speak the language. I had to stop in at a hotel eventually to ask for directions. A man in gloves guided me toward the correct street, his hand on my back gentle and kind, not sleazy.

claire came down to open the door for me. i was hungry and in another part of the world it was thanksgiving night, so i cut into a cube of guava paste i had brought with me-- i thought it might make a good substitute for cranberry sauce. the thick, sugary paste was inedible. I put it away in the fridge and we slept.

in the morning i noticed the true idiosyncracies of the apartment. there was a towel drying rack and a bidet in the bathroom, a stove and oven in the kitchenette, a huge bed, a walk-in closet. what a lovely place for the small fee we split. still rained down on, claire and i walked to the duomo and paid to take the elevator to the top. we navigated the path around the edge of the many-steepled roof, studied the gargoyles and intricacies of the stonework. we meandered down cobblestone streets lined with perfectly set display windows-- gucci, prada, fendi-- all the big names beside one another, like a Lakers lineup. We ate delicious paninis at a cafe, claire ordered a huge gelato sundae by accident-- an italian flag was sticking up out of the top...

more on Milan later, to be continued

new years effort

2010-01-25T12:33:00.000-08:00

In an effort to stop being so weird, and start being productive, I've decided that I should write here more often, and not in an "oh dear, what will i do with my life" sort of way, but just to do something regular, to force myself to keep up with something. I've actually been doing a pretty good job of that these past few days, but I also have had a long weekend of bronchitis, so I've been trying to take it easy. If I were on my normal routine of going out at night, sleeping in late, and so on, I would probably be less inclined to be as studious and productive as I have been (as a soc/anthro major I hate the word productive, but sometimes it's very accurate).

I've been studying for the LSAT, and the more I study, the more convinced I am that I want to take it. At this charity wine tasting the other night, a lawyer/legal-thriller writer told me "it's more fun to practice law that it is to study it." and that got me thinking about practicing law, and what I could do, and it made the world feel open again. I might become a lawyer. Weird. Though, it makes sense. When I was a little kid, I read books like "you be the jury" all the time, In school, I loved logic and philosophy, and writing, all very lawyerly things. So, the future is mine, we'll see what happens, and if I can pass this LSAT with good enough scores.

I am also going to try harder to learn guitar, although not being able to read notes, and not knowing what each string is supposed to sound like exactly, I have this suspicion that my guitar is out of tune, but I don't want to mess it up... hmmm...

LIT, the New School's MFA program's literary mag has become somewhat of a temporary bible. I've been toting it around with me, reading and rereading stories and poems, completely ignoring others that teach weird lessons, the way you avoid chunks of the old testament. There are parts I read to try to understand, but which are still foreign, like Job, why the hell would you do that, OT god? Anyway, it's a great read, and it's an 8 dollar magazine which in itself is pretty awesome. I'm thinking about subscribing.

Thinkings #1

2010-01-07T20:01:00.000-08:00

I just got home from work. Left work at 7.30. It is now 8 (or 11 EST). On my walk to the bart station, I thought about how reasonable homeless people's requests can be. One guy was just asking for 75 cents.

I also saw one of the sweetest things in a long time; a guy emptied his pocket into a homeless man's hand, and as he was leaving, he says-- 2010 will be a better year, or something to that effect. I don't know, it was just beautiful.

at work things are hectic as can be. my boss is sick, so i suddenly have a ton to do. it isn't even like last time she got sick because i knew all about the psw planning. Next week is the launch/training for our big fat book project and until today I really knew nothing about it-- now I am in charge for the week and it would have been do-able if it weren't for this pain in the buttocks email glitch that has me doing all these crazy things like writing snail mail. LETTERS. THE POSTAL SERVICE. It's actually more of a pain than you'd think.

Anyway, I worked until 7.30 but i kept feeling more and more tense because being alone in the center can be creepy at night especially when the front door is open and someone might or might not pop in to do one of the following a) try to buy something (annoying, surprising, not bad intentioned) b) murder me (scary, evil) c)rape me (hey, it could happen in the mission) d) give me a hug and finish all my work (lovely lovely)

I just don't like being all alone in big spaces like that. it's creepy. at these moments I think I am thigmotactic, but then i think about that for another ten seconds and could fart on my face for how ridiculous that is. if anyone's thigmotactic it's cockroaches and my sister and sealions.

memo to the sealions: where the hell do you think you're going?! you interrobanging need to get back to sf, fools. we need you for tourist stuff and because you're totally fun.

I look like I just walked out of spain. i'm wearing crazy striped turtlenecks and frilly sweaters and fingerless gloves (a staple at my office) and salmon scarves. i'm about two years too late.

a bunch of vermonters are in the office for the month of January and part of February. I want to ask them vermonty questions like "hows the wintery mix, eh?" or "how bout that marble?" or "maple syrup blah blah moose blah blah hockey blah blah...."

I am so out of my mind. and also I can't wait to try out my new boots that arrived in the mail.

my brain

2009-12-30T08:04:00.000-08:00

That title just reminded me of "my pants" a skit by the Lonely Island before the lonely island became SNL superstars. In case you're not in the know, Andy Samberg, Jorma, and Akiva (the last two of which really need no last names) are the comedy trio from Berkeley that have now become regulars (andy + sometimes the others) and writers (jorma and akiva) on SNL. Their latest sketch about kids in pajamas that kill one another (feat james franco) was sickly wonderful, and I couldn't have been happier. I must also mention that I am only ONE person removed from Andy, and therefore will try to weasel my way into meeting him someday.

gtg see jen and liz

something that bugs the shit out of me

2009-12-29T13:38:00.000-08:00

as nice of a person as I try to be (do I? am I?) there are just some things that piss me off, and to be fair, none of them should make me so angry. I hate, for instance, people staring at me, people who are insincere (I have made this clear) and really really inconsiderate people (like, in high school, those people who drag ass during group projects). Anyway, one of the bizarre things that really gets my goat (and simultaneously finds my lost remote, floats my boat, etc.) is/are bandwagons and the people that hobo from one to the next. Especially about tv shows.

Case and point: arrested development. Bitches, I watched arrested development when it was a toothless baby and went into that temporary coma it almost didn't wake up from and then (daytime tv/one tree hill style), it miraculously began to breathe again. and my friend liz and I could breathe again, too. these deep breaths of relief, of belief in righteousness, in the human spirit. Our faith in humanity and its sense of humor was restored after thinking that all had been lost-- this most perfect of shows. Without a good sense of humor, without things to laugh at, is life worth living at all? without ridiculousness, is life worth living? America? World?

we had petitioned the network for the return of arrested development and it didn't work. i watched tv awards shows cringing at the idiots who won for comedy. I vomited in the bathroom (tampoco asi). Months later, something worked and I wiped off my mouth and popped a bag of popcorn.

My friend Liz and I, and a few others, had our show back. It was great. We wished more people would appreciate it, but barely anyone knew what it was, even. To be fair, when I first heard of it, I thought it was the 80's rap group/cult Arrested Development who had that one big (albeit absurd) hit song "Tennessee" that I loved (maybe only because I boy I liked loved it, but I can't be sure). But this new Arrested was even better, and funnier than a cult, even (is that possible?) and (how many parentheses can I use??) I fell in love with the show, constantly thinking about the characters, their fun idiosyncracies, quotables-- the bluth family was the living end.

Let's see, the tv show went on the air in 2003. It became popular... at least 2 years later. WHAT.
When I got to college people were quoting arrested development out of the asses. At first I thought, whatever, i guess people just have good senses of humor here or something. But then, as with Ali G, I began to weed apart the losers who actually appreciated the show for what it was from the people who just watched it because that was what they were supposed to do and because it would make people like them.

Then I also realized something really cruel about myself. Sometimes I didn't care WHY people liked the show, why people liked anything for that matter-- their motives meant diddlysquat. I hated the fact that people refused to work for the good things-- that people don't find any reward in searching for good music or good tv or, really, investigating anything. Ask most people where they get the music they listen to-- they'll say that their friends give it to them or that their friends listen to it and then they just started to. Same with movies or tv shows. Whereas I (and there are definitely a ton of others, but I doubt they're the majority) derive joy from finding really really great things, diamonds in the rough, or whatever you want to call it, others don't. I just don't get being spoonfed-- there's really no appeal for me. Something for nothing is, ultimately, nothing.

In Living Color

2009-12-27T16:09:00.000-08:00

Just kidding, let's not take it back to high cut spandex, racial jokes, black santas, and j-lo, all of which I stayed up watching late at night as a young child. Maybe that's why my sense of humor is so bizarre. Sometimes I think of the wild assortment of tv shows that I watched as a kid, that must have created the person I am today--

SNL (mango!)
the Little Bits (midgets small enough to ride upon flying squirrels and sit in chestnut shells)
Antique Roadshow (I belong on any episode of Frazier)
Star Trek (I mean, DUH)
Ren and Stimpy (I watched this with my cousins because I wasn't allowed to, and I probably didn't understand it. It was more important to watch my cousins do the happy happy joy joy dance and sing the Log song)

The list goes on, obviously

-- but I don't think even those shows can explain the ridiculousness that I was as a child. My partner in crime for a few years was this kid Tony. In retrospect, I am absolutely sure that he had a huge crush on me. Actually, not even in retrospect. One year, we were sitting in the computer lab adjacent to the library; no one was in the lab, but there were people in the library. He told me he liked someone in the room. I had been avoiding a moment like that, and put on the defense, I started frantically naming everyone in the library and then I don't know what I did, but I probably ran away.

Anyway, he was my accomplice. We would make up plays and perform them for my second grade class. Crazy, heretical things that they really shouldn't have let us perform at a Catholic school. But anyway, they did, and I loved every minute of it.

Spammers

2009-12-16T09:05:00.001-08:00

Dear Spammers,

Thank you! I love that you enjoy my trivial, driveling, sad, pathetic excuse for a blog with sorry sorry writing. Don't you think that it's weird to post a comment like "IS GOOD" on my blog when that's not a complete sentence... in fact, it's a lame-assed verb and an adjective. Spammers, sometimes I wonder whether you have ever made an effort to sound like real people. Are you even real human beings? Is it then possible for human beings to be as stupid as you guys sometimes sound, or as dirty and incomprehensible at the same time?

What is the point? I actually truly want to understand. do you want to hack into people's lives or make people have viruses or just weird us out? I would believe any of the three, i guess. I gotta go, but I will continue to ask you questions later,

Miranda

In Tepid Water

2009-12-11T19:14:00.000-08:00

I'm standing in tepid water. the heater is on, all the water has to do now is heat up.

On Tuesday night I gave my phone number to a DJ at the Panorama party. I had to be convinced to do it about a million times since I'm super shy when it comes to those kinds of things, and I almost escaped the bar without having to do it, but in the end, I did. Being totally awkward, I took the advice of my work colleague and wrote my phone number on the back of my business card. When I saw him, he asked if I was leaving, and I said, yes, "you should call me sometime." And I handed him my business card, then kissed him goodbye.

Meanwhile, everyone in the bar was rooting for me, all my co-workers, their spouses, their friends, volunteers, you name them, they were cheering me on. When I stepped outside, My friend's husband asked me, "did you get the digits??" I smiled and said yeah, then hurried away.

I'm not sure why I'm so shy about meeting guys. As my co-worker said that night, "nothing will happen, everything will be fine, orphans will still be orphans." And I guess that's right. They will. I guess I'm just afraid I'll get laughed at or rejected-- I think that's natural, but I still want to get over it.

I met up with Christel and Chuck at the Phoenix where I sat feeling embarrassed as they drank. They endured my laments, thankfully, and as we were digging into a heaping pile of delicious Irish Potato Nachos, I got a call from an unknown number, and of course it was the guy.

Now, I don't really remember the conversation blow by blow, not because I was wasted or anything, but because it was loud, I was nervous, and, well, I was nervous. What I do remember are a few key points:

--He said he was calling because he didn't want me to wait for him to call.
--He said he thought I was cute (or something like that)
-- He said he has a girlfriend (but that they're going through hard times???)
-- He said see you soon
--He said see you soon
--He said will I see you soon?

What's a girl to think? Well, whereas, I normally would have left the guy alone, I did the unthinkable (for me) today. I called the fool back. And I said ridiculous things like, "how soon is soon?" and it was awkward only for me, but for him it was fine. He wants to see me, so, so, I don't know what to think. The cards are dealt, we have yet to play.

Cool Self Regard in Your Eyes

2009-12-04T17:48:00.000-08:00

Yes, that's a line from a Pete Dougherty song (Arcady) and yes, I do love him, at least kind of. Not in the "ima kiss you" way, but in the "I want to study you, follow you around, and eventually create a documentary" kind of way. He is pretty gross, but it only intrigues me.

I know I've been all sad and moody lately. that's okay, everyone's entitled in December. Not only is it the end of the year, but it's all cold yet sunny, and it's the kind of cold that only says winter and nothing else. It doesn't even say "hey, cool stuff is gonna happen." Nope. So, I get to be moody. And I've been sick for the past week with some mysterious illness that effects my head and stomach, but doesn't make me stuffy or runny. I guess that's convenient, but als suspicious.

Since this afternoon, things have been looking up for me--I've begun feeling better pretty much by sheer mental willpower. I went to target and found out all my photos are corrupted, so the hundreds of pictures I've taken since the beginning of summer no longer exist. oh well. for some reason, i really don't care. I remember everything that's happened since June.

I also bought a book of sudoku puzzles since looking at words freaks me out lately. there are just too many of them, full of letters. I watched every episode of Flash Forward and V that are out and I finished up this season of The City and The Hills. I am a very productive sick person. The Hills made me feel weird today, though. I started empathizing with Kristen, which is ridiculous because we really don't have anything in common. But she was talking about not trusting guys because her parents are divorced, and I can relate to that. I usually just end things before they get weird, and I always take risks with the wrong guys. that's life, I guess. I'll figure it out eventually.

In the meantime, I have all these ideas for a holiday party and I can't let them go to waste. I want there to be:
-gingerbread house making
-cookie decorating
-putting popcorn on a string
-making ornatements
-watching A Muppet Christmas Carol
-wearing paper crowns ala the english
-eating delicious things.

the things that are

2009-11-28T00:36:00.000-08:00

lately i haven't felt like writing, in fact, i haven't been able to convince myself to do anything vaguely productive besides send out an envelope to Jen (that was passed to me from Sakura). I haven't cleaned like I've wanted to, and that's got me feeling all cluttered. it's pretty much time for a total wipeout of old clothes, books, and trinkets. And I want to paint, too. paint a wall, then hang framed david shrigley drawings and photographs all over it and stare at them as I drift to sleep. my room is the opposite of inspiring. It's sad and disappointing. I'm falling back into the past.

I've been listening to semisonic and the toadies and everclear and that song rocketman by elton john, and that's not entirely strange, but maybe it is. I bought a pleather vest today that makes me want to ride a motorcycle. i could really go for something like that-- as I told ken the other day, there's no one here that would wander around the park in overalls with me, but not in a pretentious-- i'm doing this because i'm on a higher plane of existence than you are, and so you can't even comprehend the irony and meaning--way, but in a-- this is completely absurd, i love the feel of baggy overalls and romping!--way. sighs all around.

I just watched year one and it kind of sucked. of course there were funny parts, but overall, a huge disappointment.

i can't seem to get my ideas together.

i keep thinking of good ideas and good poems, and i read an interesting article recently, too. but right now i'm in the past; this weather is making me feel like i'm not where i'm supposed to be. i haven't spent a winter on the west coast in 4 years, and this type of coldness makes me want to climb into spandex and big snow boots, the kind with rubber all around the bottoms. and i'd wear my faux fur hat and scarf over my nose. it's weird to be home. if i wear gloves here i feel ridiculous and kind of posery.

playlist:
Tyler by Toadies
Shelter by the XX
Sour Times by Portishead
Closing Time by Semisonic
The Wrote and the Writ by Johnny Flynn
Everything you Want by Vertical Horizon
New Resolution by Azure Ray
Santa Monica and White Men in Black Suits by Everclear
Anything you Want by Spoon
Long Line of Cars by Cake
This Scene is Dead by We Are Scientists

Playlist of Wonder and Reviews on Random

2009-11-10T19:28:00.000-08:00

Much like the cave of wonder, there are genies of song living within this playlist. There will not be, however, any evil lurking. I hope there will be a sweet-tempered flying carpet.

These are not only the songs I've been discovering lately, but also a gathering of everything I love at this very moment. Enjoy:

Florence and the Machine, "Blinding"

Robyn "Cobrastyle (the bloody beetroots remix)"

The Gossip "Four Letter Word"

The XX, "Crystalised"

The Gossip, "Vertical Rhythm"

Health, "Triceratops (CFCF Remix)"

Florence and the Machine, "Kiss with a Fist"

Port O'Brien, "Stuck on a Boat"

The Generationals, "When They Fight, They Fight"

Port O'Brien, "Oslo Campfire"

Blair, "Hello Halo"

The Gossip, "Heavy Cross"

Thao with the Get Down Stay Down, "Know Better, Learn Faster"

Sea Wolf, "Stanislaus"

Fake Blood, "I think I like it"

Fan Death, "The Constellations (CFCF Remix)"

Forest Fire, "I Make Windows"

Papercuts, "Future Primitive"

Crystal Castles, "Vanished"

I've also been listening to a lot of Portishead lately.

REVIEWS ON RANDOM:

Florence + the Machine, "Dog Days are Over" and all of it.

I've actually been listening to a TON of Florence and the Machine lately, and I love it all. While some of their songs have more of a folky twang and tambourines bang about, for instance "Dog Days are Over," others like "You've got the Love" is what I imagine angels might create-- powerful vocals, beautiful lyrics, and what I think is some harp action. "You've got the love" has two gorgeous remixes, one by The xx, and the other by Graphics. Also, their performance on the BBC's Electric Prom is truly beautiful. That girl can sing.

The Prarie Cartel, "Cracktown"

I really don't like the beginning of this song; for some reason it sounds really amateur to me, like anyone could make it on GarageBand, but it's kind of catchy.

Yo Majesty, "Freaks Come Out"

This seems like it would be a great song to run to or maybe to choreograph a dance to. It's a nice song, but I don't know how many times I'd listen to it.

Think About Life, "Johanna"

I haven't taken an appropriate amount of time to understand these lyrics, but I'm totally digging this song. If my car had a cd player, I'd burn it on a driving mixtape. I love that they're incorporating throwbacks ala Madcon's "beggin" but then taking it to another level with the dissonant instruments about 2 and a half minutes in.

The Generationals, "When they Fight, They Fight"

Another song I didn't want to like before it grew on me. Another song that is completely influenced by the past, what with the tambourines and the stylized voice and the way other voices come in at the end of lines. I really can't help but dance.

Port O'Brien

Nuff said. I'm temporarily done talking about them, except I will say that you should listen to their new cd and they put on a great live show last week.

Julian Casablancas, "Left and Right in the Dark"

I didn't think I'd like this/ didn't want to like it when I heard it the first time. But it kind of grew on me. While I still think the opening is a bit unnecessary, the vocals are in that captivating voice that can yell and sound cooly disinterested at the same time. I knew it was the singer of the Strokes before I knew. Anyway, this song is fun.

Health, "Before Tigers (CFCF Remix)"

Love this song, it's just really pretty and ethereal. I feel like I'm asleep when I listen to it, but not in the sense that it puts me to sleep. It's like the voices and sounds you hear in dreams, they sound distance and delayed, but for no apparent reason.

I'm Sick of the Weather Up Here

2009-11-09T23:40:00.000-08:00

There's little I hate more than people talking like their opinions are absolute truth. I know we learn pretty early that when you're speaking, everything you say or write, first person or third, is understood to be your own opinion. Third person was actually one of the more difficult lessons for me to understand. I think I've always read too much into things.

I've always been the negotiator, the person in the middle whose goal is for everyone else to get along-- because of that, it's taken me a long time to figure out that there are in fact things that I want. I'm still figuring those things out. I'm adjusting to the new fit of a place where I can potentially get into arguments rather than watch them occur. I'm terrible at arguing, wonderful at playing devil's advocate since I always see the other side. As a child, my mother never sided with me-- she always said I must have done something to whoever was bothering me-- that probably helped shape my personality, too.

I know that was very babbly, and not well ordered. I realize that I don't think in a logical order, though I have a pretty logical mind-- for me, the funniest things are the unexpected or the unfitting, the cat in a jumper, the short man eating a big bowl of soup, etc. I think that's why I'm so into musicals like Singing in the Rain that offer no explanation for bursting into song, but even within the genre, no excuse for ten minute dance scenes through surreal sets clearly on lots where the only lyric is "gotta dance, gotta dance!"

I'm Very tired. now is not the best time to write a post.

I should make more sense tomorrow. love.

A new Place

2009-11-02T22:12:00.000-08:00

I've been inspired to blog by reading blogs a bit in the past month. I feel like maybe if i write down the immediate thoughts, maybe i will be more inspired. But there's some kind of disconnect for me between this sort of angsty dribble and poetry. one is just so much more beautiful, tense, crafted, and it seems like the place inside of me that ever needed to scream it out is dying. (that WAS pretty angsty).

I'm currently quite in love with the song My Will Is Good by Port O'Brien, and they'll be playing on thursday at Bottom of the Hill. I may have to go. It might mean a lot to me. I never do things alone and I love doing things alone even if going to a concert alone makes me kind of nervous for some reason. Maybe I'll go alone though. i can't keep missing shows i want to see.

I'm not thinking about too much important lately. I'm working on my writing and working on work stuff and thinking a bit about starting to try art again. I don't know if i have the angst for it-- i'm pretty emotionless when i compare myself to certain people. but, i have a knack and a desire to do something. we'll see how far that carries me. My poems are improving and my prose is, too. so are my funny emails, but those have always been pretty fantastic. wiink. I've also been thinking a lot about anthropology and reading my teacher's work and about theory and how i'm totally hungry for that. FINALLY hungry for something. I miss being told what theory to read. one of the very few things i'll miss about college.

i wish life were more interesting sometimes, but that's only because life is OK right now, which is a good thing. remembering that part is key.

I'll literally be working all weekend-- an event we've been planning quite a while is finally occurring and i'll be there making sure things happen at least somewhat as planned.

i wish man man would come to san francisco... but that's one concert i cannot go to alone. i'll need a witness with me to confirm that I'm not dreaming.

reviving musical interest

2009-11-01T20:14:00.001-08:00

I'm on one of my music binges again. I know I can be slow sometimes about getting on the train with certain musical acts-- it's because I live in a bubble. i discover music mostly on my own and tend not to listen much to other people except maybe roberto and liz about new music. So, i will sometimes make a shocking discovery that the rest of the world made ten months ago. Anyway, here's what I'm listening to now.

The Gossip-- "Four Letter Word" and "Heavy Cross"

-- I'm so behind the curve on this one. The Gossip are quickly winning my heart.

The XX--"Crystalised"

-- As far as I know, these are the new Britain sensations? I'm entranced by this song.

Florence and the Machine-- "You've got the Love" and "Blinding"

--Don't know anything about them. YET.

The Decemberists-- "The Rake's Song"

--This group definitely won the Treasure Island festival-- yes, it was a competition. and yes, they totally destroyed everyone. That concert was absolutely enchanting and I didn't expect it at all. Well done, very well done.

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros--"I Come in Please" and "40 Day Dream"

-- These dudes and dudettes led by former Ima Robot guy are amazing live. I saw them at Treasure Island and will remember that druggy performance forever. Wonderful folky-contemporary vibe with some great vocals.

Fever Ray-- "Seven" (the twelves remix)

-- When I saw that the twelves remixed seven i literally said "oh, whaat!" out loud. I was that excited to see the product. It's fun and a very different vibe from the original which i LOVE. Fever Ray is great. and so are the twelves.

Hot Chip-- "Touch too Much" (fake blood remix) and Fake Blood "I think I like it"

-- everything fake blood touches turns to gold. I've heard they're kind of jerks, and honestly, I can't make myself care. This particular remix is not their most impressive work, but I enjoy it. I really love their remix of Love Long Distance by The Gossip and I am IN LOVE with their song, "I think I like it"

Sea Wolf-- "Stanislaus"

Empire of the Sun-- "Walking on a Dream"

--Is it weird to say that this song sounds kind of gay? effeminate maybe? I dunno, but I love the way the singer cuts his words.

Fan Death--"The Constellations" (CFCF remix)

-- I don't know who the CFCF are or who fan death is, to be honest. I don't even know how I came across this song. But it's damn catchy and would be great for a house party.

That's it for now. : )

metric at 4 am

2009-10-29T04:16:00.000-07:00

its officially a weird night. It's four am and I'm awake-- I've done this to myself (accidentally), and it shouldn't be happening because I know it'll probably make me grumpy and sleepy all day tomorrow, but I can't quite help myself.

I feel like bakeries are open this early. I want some steaming hot sapin sapin..

1. How did I do this to myself:

a) I drank at least two cups of coffee around ten pm last night, mostly out of that instinct to drink what was in front of me. I also drank more than my day's recommendation of water and am probably drowning from the inside right now. I wasn't nervous, I just don't know-- it's the nice city girl's equivalent of an itchy trigger finger I suppose.

b) I ate A LOT more than usual yesterday. and a lot of random stuff. and pretty late in the day.

c) I woke up around three thirty to a buzzing sound that kept coming back. When I finally decided to turn on the light to find the culprit, I was actually kind of surprised that there really WAS a mosquito there as suspected. Does this make me insane? even in the slightest? That I question even my most reasonable instincts and dismiss them as crazy ideas almost immediately? Not sure. (I "got" the mosquito and think he may not have had his chance with me)

Being awake right now feels sort of ... right, even though I know I should definitely go back to sleep. It makes me feel like the old, unstable me who never had a schedule, whose body couldn't stand regularity. those were different times, almost foreign now. Those were treasurable, but also belong in the past. Yet...

Something in me misses feeling like I have a reason to stay up-- i used to be unable to accomplish anything worthwhile during the day. I stayed up, thinking. writing. nearly always listening to music.

Last winter was really a winter. Last January was bon iver's "skinny love" and grouper's "heavy water/i'd rather be sleeping", and blonde redhead's "23." I didn't leave my house for the entire month except to eat during some weeks. it was a sickness-- and then I actually got sick and that was terrible (and then all three of us got sick and that was worse).

three years ago, i spent nights sitting on my bed, listening to "some devil" and "gravedigger."

I'm starting to realize where this is going: Here is a soundtrack to the great moments of sadness, loss. I wish those were still mine, and then i remember how crazy that is, and then I ask whether I'm crazy and then...

"23"- Blonde Redhead

"Heavy Water/I'd Rather Be Sleeping"- Grouper

"Some Devil"- DMB

"Gravedigger"- DMB

"Dramamine"-Modest Mouse

"Oh Comely"-Neutral Milk Hotel

"Skinny Love"- Bon Iver

The Entire Blue Room EP by Coldplay

"Jumper" -Third Eye Blind (this was less my moment of sadness-- It was Katie's.)

"Nobody has to Stay"-Mirah

"The Gold Finch and the Red Oak Tree"-Ted Leo and the Pharmacists

Anything by Snow Patrol (one sophmore night spent crying into my boyfriend's shoulder while i was playing this ridiculously loud... and he was the reason i was crying)

Most Elliot Smith, I mean, there were times when he actually cheered me up somehow.

"Time Travel is Lonely"-John Vanderslice

"Big Eyed Fish"-DMB

probably something by zero 7

Since this list is making me feel nice, I think I should end with some songs that make me feel terrific.

"In the Morning"- Junior Boys

"Naive"- The Kooks

"Cherry Bomb"-John Mellencamp

"Meet Virginia"-Train

"Come on Eileen"-Dexy's Midnight Runners

"These Days"-Nico

"Always Be My Baby"-Mariah Carey (THE prettiest Mariah Carey song)

"The Jessica Numbers"-The New Pornographers

"If I ever feel better"-Phoenix

"If She Wants Me"-Belle and Sebastian

"Elephant Gun"-Beirut

"While You Wait For the Others"-Grizzly Bear

"today was a good day"-Ice Cube

"narc"- Interpol (my favorite interpol song, i think)

"a good man is easy to kill"-beulah

"snow"- red hot chili peppers (really, can't help myself, LOVE the bassline, have always wanted to practice it til I could play it, but claire and her bass are now across the country)

"It's a shame"-The Spinners

(both lists are incomplete, by the way)

I went back to sleep for 2 hours. I had a horrible nightmare about drugged people laying out in the street and drugged friends and zombies and torture and stress.

Blogg

2009-09-06T13:44:00.000-07:00

After two-ish weeks of slightly infuriating Americorps training, I finally started work last week. Much of Americorps training just felt like a waste of time, to be perfectly honest. A full day of team bonding, really?? The government is paying for this... really? Dyad conversations every five minutes?? I decided I needed to try and relax during the retreat, so after the ropes course, swimming pool, talent show, and a rather large game of mafia, which I won by the way, I had my tarot cards read. Amanda, my roommate read them for me. Let's just say that I got a lot of major cards including the Wheel of Fortune, the Hierophant, and Death. Great. Don't tell my mother that I had my tarot cards read. I told her, in an off-hand way, that someone was reading tarot cards during the retreat, and she made me promise not to do it, and then kept saying that it was the work of the devil-- I swear my mom's not crazy though.

Work is nice. I have a desk and I have business cards with my name and occupation and email printed on them and everything. As I was setting up my desk, I almost dropped a printer, which was scary, but aside from that it was all pretty smooth. At the moment I'm having a guilty time asking the interns to do things for me, but they're so eager and great. I keep having to stop myself from saying-- I was an intern, too! all the time.

I've begun writing again, which is great, and I've also taken up this thing called reading that I forgot about for the past four years. (I think the last book I read for fun was Everything is Illuminated) I'm reading The Bell Jar as of yesterday though I have the feeling it will be done by today. I think that's a book people read in high school.

I'm also finally getting around to reading more Dean Young, Charles Simic, and Phil Levine. Basically my poetry reading list at the moment is people I've met but never fully appreciated because I was lazy and didn't read much. I'm catching up now. Next on the list is Bukowski because I picked up a book of his at Green Apple and it intrigued me. I truly wish someone in my immediate family or friend circle had loved poetry while I was growing up because I feel completely new to everything and don't know where to begin. If anyone wants to recommend me their favorite poets/ poems or even ones you think are striking, I'd be eternally grateful. I'm a fan of Sharon Olds and Li-young Lee and Gary Snyder and William Bronk. I want to be a fan of many more people. much love, Miranda